Fabric Softner

cotton panties

entangled in satin sheets

leather stilettos
lodged in cracks of wooden floors

silk blouse
slung over a Lasko fan

gold earring
missing one of its kind

pink scarf
binds us together

blue boxer briefs
set him free

brown belt
looped through more than pants

buttons missing shirts
heels missing shoes
out turned pockets
change scattered on the floor
laundry

the morning before

©Tia Clarke 2009

Jessie J backing vocalist inspiration - Gotta Be True to Yourself

There's a pureness in their voices I can not put into words and from I first heard this - I was enamored and played it like 50 times - no breaks! And they inspired this....

Days seem a haze
lack luster
lost the glaze
dreams replaced
by issues faced
monetarily no gain
sense lapsed
loved a fool, fool left
the only thing that went right
hardened by love loss
lovers lied
could fill stadiums with tears cried
tried to change
built a wall...
       but I urge you
let it crumble
let it fall
you were meant to be
strong
not stone
don't let hardships in life
crush your soul
you were meant to be
the best version
       of who you are

I've heard this song before, and I loved it then but it's like the combination of their voices bestowed a gift of clarity right before me.  As most of us often do, in navigation of this crowded yet lonely world, we try to find our footing.

We dream.
We aspire.
We work.

Sometimes it feels like it's going no where. It feels like you're climbing an active volcano with bricks on your back. And just as you feel like those bricks can get no heavier - you are given another load. I understand. I get it. But in order for you to get where you are supposed to be you have to weather this journey. When I discuss my discontent with my best friend sometimes he seems so insensitive. He's like well you know what you want, you have to do it - put in the work. I wanna say shut up and tell me, "there there - you're right. it's okay." However, I understand that sometimes I need to hear those things so I can refocus and just be the best of myself. I can't allow people's actions to dictate who I am or who I become.

I am a work in progress, but I'm not hiring - God's got the job!

Untitled (for the moment)

I carry. Upon my back, in my gut, and in my head, a hatred so deep
Into every inch of my existence it seeps

No common sense, perhaps no strength, to relieve myself of this disdain
Instead I choose to remember the pain

No gain of course, in remembering all that I have lost
For carrying this hatred is the biggest cost

I pay everyday, in some sort of way
Losing my grip 'cause of failure to pray

Yearning to lift myself above this seething, soon I won't be able to hear my heart beating
hatred hardens me, what a wonder I'm breathing

This can very well cost my death
holding on to something, that has already left

How does one break free? From chains of lessons learned
moving on from bridges burned

There is nothing more, nothing more but an ash of hate
I have heaped it on my plate,

"Move forward", they say, "it's never too late
That remains the great debate.

©Tia Clarke 2015

And We Made Love

worst enemy

best friend

best poet

high expectations

trying all she can to make him climax

explode his ink

onto her paper

tied together by what tears them apart

a heart

a pen

a paper

crumpled together

between the thighs of an innocent girl

beautifully corrupted

by a poet

fiddler on the roof

proof

that she has learned something

however minute

the hours at Sine Qua Non

grew in two

years of

nurturing the writer

she is finding her voice

a strong whisper

between these sheets

of paper

©Tia Clarke 2012

Meghan Trainor - Like I'm Gonna Lose You ft. John Legend

Tomorrow is not promised
and I promise
to never compromise our love

This treasure, truly
a pleasure that is all ours
sweet chocolate bars

songs on acoustic guitars
played to hold beauty
I urge you, hold my hand

place a band
That'll bind us together
love without measure

unconditional, without pressure
forever never seems long
when we're together

so say "forever"
because I will love you, for better, forever
everyday, like I'm going to lose you

©Tia Clarke 2015

I'm Wayyyyyy Up - Blessings [CLEAN] (ft. Drake)

I have issues, but I'm blessed
I have problems, fears and ailments but I'm blessed
Some days I'm a mess
But like Alicia Keys I put that S on my Chest
I'm still blessed

Sometimes life becomes a tougher journey than I feel I can handle
Life more in shambles than the series Scandal
I feel sad, angry, confused
Remembering all the times I was used
I'm still blessed

Feel like I'm going no where
and going off a cliff the same time
working every darn day
but can't save a dime.
I'm still blessed

Feel like I'm going backwards into quicksand
can't stand - no escape plan
handcuffs would be more freeing, redeeming
I need a change but no sight of it revealing
I'm still blessed

Blessed and Thankful!


Many aspects of our life may be on target with goals we've set but then there's that one thing that won't match up so it haunts us.  I understand those feelings,  I get it.  But let's not forget that no matter how bad things seem we are truly blessed.

I remember listening to a preacher saying that you will be blessed, you're blessings are coming in a form of a new job, a new car etc...and I thought about this.  I thought we become jaded and disregard the other blessings.  Blessings happen throughout our daily lives but that yearning, that inevitable yearning for more (which is fine in some regards) we don't take the time to acknowledge the fact that we woke up, we saw, we placed our feet on solid ground, we took a bath, we probably were able to kiss our mother, held the hand of a lover - those are all blessings, think of how losing anyone of those examples would take away from your life.  So this post, the above poem - it's all just to give thanks.

Thank God I'm so blessed.

eFF Your Romance

Have you ever had that moment where the world says you should be wishing your ex and their new boo well, saying "hey congratulations, you two look so cute together" but honestly, you just want to tell them & their "newly knit family" and "best friend" go to hell.

Thanks social media - click - unfollow.
Click - follow.
I want to know just when this shi....p collapses so I can be there to sweep it in his face/her face, who's ever face.

How dare they replace you right? Wasn't even good enough to date you right?
Should have never let your guard down.  For that damn clown.
Played.
Just enough smiles and sweet talks to get the P.
And you use a capital letter because it IS that good

That's not nice...
Click - unfollow
Click - follow

No!
You're not jealous.

You're actually in love with your best friend who's given you a fairy tale you didn't even know was possible and you even tend to question it every now and then - that's how amazing your love is!
However, the last thing you want to be dumped on your desk on a Monday morning or ANY MORNING is an exes triumphant relationship.  Especially after what happened between you two, or didn't happen - or almost happened.

I mean it doesn't hurt to know little things, right. Out to dinner with Bae. Bae fell asleep on the couch. Bae got me ice cream. Bae on fleek.  MCM Bae. WCW Bae. Love you to the moon and back bae. oHHHHHHHHH for the love of Moses, shut up already.

eFF YOUR ROMANCE!!

I completely understand this process.  This is what I'll call the post traumatic break up break down. It's not surprising that most women and some men experience those same cyclone emotions.  You're happy but you almost find your ex's happiness disgusting and downright disrespectful.  It's okay to mourn the loss of what you thought was good.  Because at the time, it felt good. Now stop it!
You are driving yourself crazy.  Just as you have the right to be happy, your ex has that right.  And as much as you want to say eFF their romance, you'll be effing yours too if you decide to dwell on their love.  Don't stalk what they do.  STOP caring about their movements, accomplishments and the like. Focus on your lover.  Concentrate on your movements, your goals - and you'll find yourself basking in a beautiful light.  YOU ARE where you're supposed to be.  Be happy!

Click - unfollow
You've regained your sanity.

No you can say eff Your Romance to any ex without malice, while enjoying yours.
~xoxo~

Electricity

Short but sweet. Like me.
A little poetry.

He's Not the Man I Met

People change
People will sometimes rearrange
your life,
while remaining the same
blame the universe
it's spun out of control
roles shifted
he's changed his goals
traded his wooden cross for gold
all about the bling
all about this ting dat ting
still
no wedding ring
but you stay committed
no needs met
but you stay well kept
with things
attention to everything but you
never asks how you really feel boo
but you stick with him
stuck like glue
gum at the bottom of his shoe
the further he walks
the farther he is away from you

But you stay in the grass waiting
thinking
he'll return
he's not the man you met
but he's a lesson you learned

Change isn't always for the better

Tell me people, what do you do if your significant other is not the man you met?

It's 2/5 or maybe 10 years after you've met who you believed to be the love of your life and you realize, this is not the man(or woman) I met.  How do you rebuild, continue, or discontinue.  What exactly becomes the course of action.

Personally, if I get married I pray I it doesn't end in divorce.  But this is such a valid question, at stages in your life you want certain things, you have specific aspirations.  You can't swear for yourself that 5 years from now you won't do a complete 180 and say hey, I've changed my mind - I don't want children anymore or I don't want blah blah....you know what I'm saying.  Same goes for your spouse. Maybe it isn't even goals, maybe it's upkeep - we all know life shifts, maybe your guy was a fitness buff, 3 years down the line he's like eff it "baby pass me that beer while I lay down with chips on my belly scratching my nuts".  Men normally say women let themselves go but I think it's safe to say we both can be guilty.  Another scenario - basic how's your day going random text.  Granted if you live with the guy you don't need a play by play of his day - but we sometimes start taking our loves for granted, a random whatsapp can really delay that cussing your woman had for her co worker - just saying.  But no, you've gone from play by play, to random, to mudda sick what my wife number is again.

So what then?

This is one topic I'd like to hear people views on.

Meanwhile, here's my take.  If you're committed and your friendship with that person is solid - you communicate how you feel and work towards making it better.
OR you may just have to move on
I can't think of anything else.

Dare Me...I'm NOT Afraid to Wild Out

One more word of insult, to drive me to the edge
two more seconds until your pushed off the ledge
I dare you...

We've all experienced at least one moment in our lives where we are so angry, so frustrated we want to SCREAAMMMMM.  In most cases if you're scared of prison (like moi) you hit things that can't hit back or cry (not weakness, that's the bruises they was gon' tote if they couldn't cause ya your job).

When I hear this song I wanna jump up in the office and say, HEY YOU, YEA YOU - RUDE INGRATE THAT DOESN'T HAVE MANNERS - YOU GOT ONE MORE TIME TO ACT LIKE YOU WERE RAISED BY WOLVES...lol

There are so many instances to get you to this point.  Maybe someone you trusted betrayed you for the "final" time.  You want to forgive them again but you're like - seriously, I'll going to give you some time to walk away from me before I end up on Snapped.

Or...a random person starts psychoanalyzing you and telling you who you are and what will make you better.

Or...doctors keep telling diagnosing you without ever really giving you real treatment but that bill is EVER SO REAL.

But what I also took from this song  was...

people are experiencing things we'll never know they go through, and if we find out maybe we'll never understand.  That's the challenge with being an individual that has to co exist with billions of other individuals.  Since we may never understand, the least we could do is not judge.  Step aside and let me/them/us/yourself wild out a little bit, because sometimes that's what keeps us sane.

Well that's what I take from this song, lol, You may be like, what - totally didn't get that.  That's okay, I'm different but I make no apologies.

Share your thoughts with me, I want to know.

Lost You

they want me to believe that the emptiness will go away

that it will get better, it will be easier in time

but this pain

the pain that stretches from the back of my neck
to the tip of my tailbone, tells a different story

this pain has me paralyzed

I am numb but my heart feels so much
pain, disdain for myself

how can I believe this will get better

even the weather says differently

this love fickle as a thunderstorm during a summer  day

ended by a bright sun ray

rain like tears of an angel

did they lose him too

tapping on my window sill

silly me because I wish it were him

I suffer from anxiety, separation 

apart a part of me gone, and Lord knows I long for it

they all know I long for him

they say deny myself

hard to do when it was just you two

but easy for them to say while I lay

tear stained face, face it
its only been days but I miss him

it is evident, evidence everyone can see

that without him, I am not me

©Tia L. Clarke 2015 (revised)

No Longer Black-Out

As all my devices turned dim with batteries flickering in the darkness and pangs of hunger were the only thing that lined my stomach I said, "Daddy come let's go. I can't take it, I'm hungry and these mosquitoes making me sick".

You see, from I walked in the house I looked at the clock that stared back...blankly. Load shedding!?!  I didn't freak out though I walked in the bathroom, clicked on the light like so many of us do out of habit and hissed my teeth.  Click the switch back down and cracked the door.  It's cool, only #1.  Since my plans had been foiled by those meddling BEC ppl I rolled with the punches, changed into my hip fanner as my father calls it and curled up with my kindle.  As daylight slowly slipped away, I was urged to go light some candles.  (then the aforementioned paragraph ensued)

"More friggin heat".  By this time, if I were a cussing girl, I'd probably used all the cusses in my arsenal as the mosquitoes made my body a puzzle yet again.
HOWEVER, I used cuss fillers. 

You see, maybe I'm a little slow, but I don't know how shedding works if the same areas are in pure darkness 90% of the time.  Who we shedding with?  Roughly from 11 am to 10 pm my corner was in darkness and nothing is more irritating than when you drive out to the corner and it looks like friggin Christmas, but I digress.

So, sitting in Wendy's on Village Road because electricity has been off now for about 9 hrs (Thanks again BEC, big shout outs again)....and every Sheila that walks in the joint is pale yella.
Now I didn't say yellow because what you will understand from this piece is once you have bleached ...ok the coast is clear for me to continue.  Once you've bleached your in a colour that only jaundice and muppets can understand.  It's fake.  Sadly, I noticed the masses have bleached their skin.  There is an epidemic and I am afraid for my delectable brownness.  The most disturbin' ting is - vat is obviously not charged on these creams, or perhaps it IS...because some ladies have missed their arms, legs and necks completely.  Yea that's it, vat on creams!

Oh Lord, please don't let them hold me down and cream me up
You see
I'm what they call dark skinned on this here earth
and though no matter our complexion
we're still made of dirt
we've been brainwashed
From birth

US dark skinned girls were coaxed to believe
we were less than beautiful
less than Queens
but it was all a hoax
a pitiful scheme, a joke
to rob us of our self worth
but we all are mere dirt

Pro- bleaching arguments will undoubtedly take the, I am enhancing my beauty route.  And I'm all for enhancing yourself but I must tell my sisters, and brothers - you were beautifully made and bleaching products actually do more harm than good.

All I could say is, they mussy bleaching cause Mr. Miller wouldn't stop these black outs.  It's surely no longer black out.

#idontdodisclaimers

State Of Mind

lay awake
consciously

unconscious
in the shirt I wore
yesterday
rich in the aroma of you
cocooned in your arms
although your miles away
a day
an hour
a minute
all too long to see you again
lover, best friend
eyes piercing through
the images in my day dreams
best day dream
scenes
remains
with me even when
I finally drift
to sleep
unconscious
conscious only
of my love
for you

*dedicated to PD aka BUDDDDD

Give Thanks

This morning I sat down outlining my morning to one of the few people I know who asks the question, how was your morning? and actually cares about my answer.  So after I rambled on and on I said geesh what a morning.  Then I had to reflect: All these things that I felt were negatives and dampers on my GOOD THURSDAY could all be looked at in a positive light.  This is real, I really experienced these things but I have something to say to Satan who thought he was gonna make me walk into darkness and doubt how beautiful this day will be. GET THEE BEHIND ME satan.

God has shrunk you, you are minimized and my eyes have seen that I am truly blessed.  In all things, I am truly blessed.

Opened my eyes extra early this morning
really wanted the rest of that sleep
sat up anyway, couldn't sleep anymore
almost turned over that cup of water
on my bedroom floor

Hopped in the shower to get blasted with cold water
burned my lip on some hot tea
barely stomached the oatmeal, my mother made for me
saw the food from last night forgotten on the stove,
seemed still good to eat

Drove to work while my car sputtered
oh my gosh I had to pee
made it just in time, what a relief to me
sat to my desk only seconds, my nose began to drain
eyes weren't far behind
I was ready to complain
when this poem came to mind:

Thank God in all things
For he has blessed me where I did not see
And all the things I thought were wrong
Are his blessings he gifted to me

So I thank you dear Father
For a eyes to see,
and I could open up early this morning
Legs to run
when this bladder is full and pouring
Nose to sniff,
smelling spring
even though my allergies bring
I thank you Father
for this
And Everything

Ciara - I Bet (Better Off)

So last week I stumbled across this beaut.  My news feed seemed to enjoy it and so as I often do, I listened, on repeat.  I'll assume most of us know that Ciara thought she found her match in Future but things didn't work out how she hoped.  I can totally relate to this song.  Back when I was a chick a dee I was guilty of writing that love story in my mind only to be bamboozled by someone who wasn't ready to accept all I was willing to give.

Future left with Ciara (courtesy of www.nydailynews.com)
Future wasn't readdddyyyy.  And of course people can change but I think what we all need to realize is, if that change isn't internal, baybay even if there's a shift for a while, that person will go back into their old ways.  They aren't gonna change for babies, you or your cooking so don't fool yourself.  Good luck to them both tho!!

Anywhos, this is what Miss Cee Cee inspired:

you call her friend
I was a friend too
and I know you have some spite
deep inside of you

but I loved you anyway
white out all your mistakes
and came back every time
you went and took a break

but you took advantage
you took me granted
yea yea

but you took advantage
uproot what we planted
yea yea

loved you
until the well ran dry
no wonder why
you thought the grass was greener
on the other side

but I bet you'll want back
when she gets a little fat
and you think I'm looking really cute
with my sexy new dude

but keep yourself over there
don't even try to stare
I'm better off over here
yea yea

I Want a Man

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Unreal Love

love is like leprosy
infecting me
tearing at my limbs

because of him
bacteria
feeling inferior

ousted by the plague

love

or none at all
appalled
by your voice

damned by my choice
choosing you
to my love you couldn't be true

still loved you

now crippled

by fear, the doubt
of never being healed

cast aside, no more pride
like gravel beneath his feet
pinned down, beat

this disease maims me
body stained
even after he’s gone

the scars
remained 

©Tia L. Clarke 2015
(amended from 2012)