Be Alone...Without Being Lonely

Some of us find it a herculean task to be in the company of ourselves.  Yes! If you fall into any of these categories I mean you:
1. Must have company and gets sad without people around.
2. Always looking for group activities and can't remember the last time you did something solo.
3. You annoy you
4. 28yrs old, 7 partners - hasn't been single from 1990. (if you do the math you'll see how crazy this is)

Mind you the list can go on - I just can't, I gotta make my point before I lose ya.

So here it is, we find it hard to embrace being without a partner or friend or some other body because we become sad and lonely maybe even depressed. The yearning for companionship every minute of everyday can prove to be more detrimental than you think because once the person or people are gone, you feel empty. And "empty" is the operative word here because I'm not saying being in the company of others is bad or wrong, I'm saying without them, you are a shell of a person not even you can recognize.  So taking care of them, doing what they like and melting into them all became the centre of your world without you ever developing yourself.  It essential that we are able to be whole without having someone else there to complete us.  When you think about it, if you are a person that feels you need the company of others you'll realize that they are mere distractions for what's really going on with you. Sometimes we haven't dealt with a loss of some kind or some other trauma and being alone forces us to relive and ponder about those sometimes painful realizations. I want to reassure you though, being able to be alone without the feeling of loneliness is a gift that we can give ourselves that will never become stale, played out or boring.  You have the opportunity to develop skills and talents you never realized you had.  You may read a book that changes your life.  There's so much of you to discover.

And yea yea I know it's romantic and Hallmarkesque to tell your loved one, "you complete me" or "you're my better half" trust me I get it.  You want that person to know the depth of your love for them.  However, we must be reminded that if you are not our best selves, we can potentially be toxic to others. We should not lose ourselves in a person.  If you are a whole, you don't need them to complete you and that way, that person is a BONUS. Everyone likes bonuses!!

So embrace the gift of being happy with you. Learn your strengths, improve your weaknesses - find your passion and ignite your own fire.  When you have time to yourself, don't feel lonely - This is YOUR time.  Once you learn how to do this you'll fight for that alone time, and being alone CAN NEVER BE LONELY.

Better Than a Disney Princess

The debate over little black girls having their own Disney princesses to look up to has been hot. For so long our chocolate cuties have been enamoured by roles of Cinderella, Snow White, Belle and Arial to name a few. When the movie "Princess and the Frog" came out in 2009 little black girls of this time could lean a little closer to the screen as Princess Tiana, Disney's first black princess emerged. (I believe the closest we got was Pochantas, released 1995 - another great movieplease listen to my Poca jam https://youtu.be/diQgSDWJL7o) And I could go on for hours about what could have been changed but I won't...I'll just say it was a step in the right direction! 

In 2013, "Frozen" was released and the popularity of this movie was overwhelming and soon shifted Elsa & Anna into children's favourite princesses.  It was easy to fall in love with the icy Elsa and her long flowing braid (Anna's my fav tho) but my youngest niece ------}(this lil puddin pop) touched me deeply when she wanted her hair like Elsa's and her mother did a similar style to appease her but in her eyes, it was too far from Elsa's. It made me upset to know that she was unhappy with her hairstyle. My sis in law explained very well to her though that she can't be just like Elsa, and it's okay to be different. Later I told her I loved her hair, that she was beautiful, and looked wayyyyyy better than Elsa.

All this to say, I was inspired by my honey to be my own version of Elsa, I'm a princess my way. Hopefully every little girl is encouraged to love what she was blessed with. You're unique...enjoy it. You're better than a Disney Princess.

#blackgirlmagic

The Birds & Bee Stings

                                                  Let's dive right in

A few days ago Charlie Sheen announced his HIV status, the internet/social media were all ablaze with the headlines "Charlie Sheen reveals he's HIV positive in TODAY Show exclusive". I watched clips and read some of the stories and I have nothing but well wishes for the man, not that he knows me or cares but anyone experiencing hardships in their lives deserve well wishes to be sent their way. (Side note - Prayers for World, because the fact people can argue over who should be prayed for baffles me. Pray when you want, for whoever you choose, last I checked that was a personal conversation between you and God - but I digress.) So anyway, the whole Sheen announcement urged me to come back to this post that was drafted for couple months now but I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts together.  So here they are, as together as they can be at this point...

It's the metaphorical elephant that never leaves the room.  SEX.  What happens when you have sex? Who to have sex with? When to have sex? SEX! Even typing it looks foreign and wrong. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder to ensure no one's reading "that word".  But it exists - duh.
I'm sure parents know that, but they would lead you to believe that they dreamed of you and then God blessed them with the precious gift

But what about making sure you have some knowledge of the topic. I often heard American sitcoms reference "the birds and the bees" talk but in Caribbean vernacular the sex talk more often than not comes after the deed has been done and consists of only the warnings "You betta not get pragnant (Lord I hate that)" or "You better not get no girl pragnant". The rules to live by. Then of course there's biology class which might I add most teenagers giggled through when sex came up.

There's so much more though; there's emotion, there's the awkwardness, there's protection, there's being brave enough to say no even if you said yes the first time, there's responsibility, there's the after, there's possibility of disease...

Yes. Disease. I think it's a fair assessment to say, especially in a small country such as the Bahamas that
there is still a stigma against those who suffer from Sexually transmitted illnesses (herpes etc) HIV & AIDS. With HIV people stutter to say the seemingly innocent letters arranged in a death sentence.
YET, the conversation of sex with your children remains a taboo.  Babies are a welcomed surprise from teenagers you had "NO IDEA" was having sex with a baby shower to prove the excitement and support for the child

So which is it?  

Do we talk about sex and how to keep yourself properly protected or do we continue to ignore the elephant and bury our children and or their future. I believe any random 100 people in The Bahamas can be polled and I think it's safe to say that more than half of them will say their parents never had the "sex" talk with them.

What about you? Did your parents catch you getting familiar with your body and used it as a teachable moment?

It is the adults responsibility to share all we can with these children. We need to let them know the real about sex and encourage them to wait and IF they cannot wait to take every precaution out their to protect themselves. Ignorance is not bliss. Let them know they have the right to ask every question under the sun when it comes to protecting themselves and when any question becomes a problem to answer it is okay to walk away. Let them know monogamy is sometimes a one way street therefore wear condoms, girls - feel free to carry your own.

Let them know all you can about the birds, but never forget to tell them that the bee stings!

We Are Queens

Maya Angelou wrote, 

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me..."

    and when I read those words I am so proud to be a beautiful woman I gush.  How then do we dismiss such a powerful description of ourselves and allow words/terms such as "bitch" or "thot" to seep into our language?  The term used so loosely.  I would hope decent women wouldn't want to call themselves derogatory names however it has been done.  Calling themselves these things like a proud badge of honour.   

Regardless of your race, your stature, your language, your work - whatever, be confident enough with yourself to own being a Queen.  If you don't claim it, who on earth would just hand it to you?  And by claiming it I mean you must respect yourself.  Earn your money.  Take care of yourself.  You must be independent
By calling each other derogatory names it opens the door for males to do the same.  I mean we constantly speak about society being harder on women than on men - well who do you created the socially inequality. Society.  Described by Merriam Webster as "people in general thought of as living together in organized communities with shared laws, traditions, and values

: the people of a particular country, area, time, etc., thought of especially as an organized community"  We are apart of that group of people.  Do not perpetuate a view of yourself and other women that is negative.  

Breathe positive vibes.  Move in a positive light. Speak positive words.

References

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/society

When Someone Dies But You Refuse To Cry

When I was asked for help in penning something in memory of another fallen classmate, I hesitated.  Not because I didn't care or because I was too busy...no.  I hesitated because I always feel sharing when one has passed should be only afforded to those closest the lost soul.  I felt guilt.  Even though the news of my friend Alan shook me to the core - I felt guilty, for a magnitude of reasons.  But I put those feelings aside because I wanted to be agreeable, and I believe Paige tried to show the family that we the class of SAS 2005 truly did care.  So my guilt of not being there when he suffered or of sharing 10 years old memories, of when I knew him best subsided.  I worked to capture the essence of Alan and what I felt the whole class could co sign.  

Below is what I shared with Paige:

A picture, a poem – a prose piece pulled from deep within our stomachs, from deep within our hearts – none can truly capture how greatly Alan will be missed.  We will miss “Erm” – to which only him truly knew the meaning. We will miss the cupcakes – which aided in our great cupcake battle post our graduation in 2005. We will miss our dear friend Alan.  So it is with surreal sorrow and heavy hearts we the class of 2005 come to celebrate the life of Alan and say farewell to our friend and brother. 

He was a friendly, kind, sweet, loving, respectful and respectable young man whose life we’ve come to celebrate today.  There is a saying, a friend to all, is a friend to none; however, we beg to differ.  There are people like Alan who are rare breeds that can garner title, “Friend to all”. Because Alan, absent of ill will or dissection, but maybe some smart remarks, was never angry long enough to be mean to others.

Many of us did not know the suffering Alan experienced and if we did, it is certain that we would have tried anyway possible to lighten his load.  But he was not alone by any means.  His family, to which we extend deepest condolences, of course battled through with him. We pray that they continue to have strength.  We pray that we can all remember him happy and healthy. 

It is also our prayer that losing Alan shows us how to put aside any quarrels and only share love and laughter between us.  His passing is a testament to how short our time is on earth and how we must make the most of it.

So when glassy eyes have cleared and residues of tears upon our cheeks are washed away we will have memories of him etched in our minds.  Although this loss continues to scar us, we are not defeated. And we gained another guardian angel. - The End


This was my original thoughts but we had to rework things and Paige and I collaborated on the final piece, both of us pleased with the outcome.  Paige's heart & mine tumbled together to create a melodious farewell.  
Still feeling guilt - from thoughts only brewed up by the inner workings of my complex emotions and thoughts - I walked in the church alone. Stoic almost.  Ironic enough the first person I saw from our class was Paige - We walked to the front together, I try never to view bodies but I did, a decision I'm haunted by today. 
Eyes remained without tears.  I refused to cry.  But my heart was so heavy.  But I had to be strong for everyone else, even if I wasn't leaned on. I refused to cry.  
But seriously, he was my age.  People tell me that my life has not even started yet, his has already ended - I was never good at Math but that equation is the most puzzling.  Another thing, we shared a birthday month, a sign - Taurus.  I don't even follow astrological signs, but I stumbled upon something interesting which makes me understand our bond even better.  
It reads:


"Taurus and Friendship:


A Taurus is an excellent friend. Taurus has few close friends as opposed to many acquaintances. The few people they hold dear to them are guarded and protected. Their friends are treated like family and they are fiercely loyal and dependable. Taurus loves to be the host or hostess. Although not a total social butterfly, they can be shy around strangers, the people who Taurus let into their lives are lavishly catered to when Taurus decides to throw a party, they decorate and present everything lavishly. Taurus will always pamper themselves and their close group of friends."

That sums it up - So eventually I broke down and quickly regained composure.  I won't share private conversations but I will say every time we spoke we expressed that we missed each other and loved each other. These ramblings of my heart are all over the place but here's my conclusion.

When someones dies but you refuse to cry, tears & pain will be manifested in other ways.  So despite whatever guilt you may feel or wanting to be strong it's okay to cry.  It is not weak, there is no shame, guilt has no reason for showing up, mourn your loved ones as only you can.


References

Zodiac Signs http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/taurus.htm

And We Made Love

worst enemy

best friend

best poet

high expectations

trying all she can to make him climax

explode his ink

onto her paper

tied together by what tears them apart

a heart

a pen

a paper

crumpled together

between the thighs of an innocent girl

beautifully corrupted

by a poet

fiddler on the roof

proof

that she has learned something

however minute

the hours at Sine Qua Non

grew in two

years of

nurturing the writer

she is finding her voice

a strong whisper

between these sheets

of paper

©Tia Clarke 2012

Meghan Trainor - Like I'm Gonna Lose You ft. John Legend

Tomorrow is not promised
and I promise
to never compromise our love

This treasure, truly
a pleasure that is all ours
sweet chocolate bars

songs on acoustic guitars
played to hold beauty
I urge you, hold my hand

place a band
That'll bind us together
love without measure

unconditional, without pressure
forever never seems long
when we're together

so say "forever"
because I will love you, for better, forever
everyday, like I'm going to lose you

©Tia Clarke 2015

eFF Your Romance

Have you ever had that moment where the world says you should be wishing your ex and their new boo well, saying "hey congratulations, you two look so cute together" but honestly, you just want to tell them & their "newly knit family" and "best friend" go to hell.

Thanks social media - click - unfollow.
Click - follow.
I want to know just when this shi....p collapses so I can be there to sweep it in his face/her face, who's ever face.

How dare they replace you right? Wasn't even good enough to date you right?
Should have never let your guard down.  For that damn clown.
Played.
Just enough smiles and sweet talks to get the P.
And you use a capital letter because it IS that good

That's not nice...
Click - unfollow
Click - follow

No!
You're not jealous.

You're actually in love with your best friend who's given you a fairy tale you didn't even know was possible and you even tend to question it every now and then - that's how amazing your love is!
However, the last thing you want to be dumped on your desk on a Monday morning or ANY MORNING is an exes triumphant relationship.  Especially after what happened between you two, or didn't happen - or almost happened.

I mean it doesn't hurt to know little things, right. Out to dinner with Bae. Bae fell asleep on the couch. Bae got me ice cream. Bae on fleek.  MCM Bae. WCW Bae. Love you to the moon and back bae. oHHHHHHHHH for the love of Moses, shut up already.

eFF YOUR ROMANCE!!

I completely understand this process.  This is what I'll call the post traumatic break up break down. It's not surprising that most women and some men experience those same cyclone emotions.  You're happy but you almost find your ex's happiness disgusting and downright disrespectful.  It's okay to mourn the loss of what you thought was good.  Because at the time, it felt good. Now stop it!
You are driving yourself crazy.  Just as you have the right to be happy, your ex has that right.  And as much as you want to say eFF their romance, you'll be effing yours too if you decide to dwell on their love.  Don't stalk what they do.  STOP caring about their movements, accomplishments and the like. Focus on your lover.  Concentrate on your movements, your goals - and you'll find yourself basking in a beautiful light.  YOU ARE where you're supposed to be.  Be happy!

Click - unfollow
You've regained your sanity.

No you can say eff Your Romance to any ex without malice, while enjoying yours.
~xoxo~

Electricity

Short but sweet. Like me.
A little poetry.

He's Not the Man I Met

People change
People will sometimes rearrange
your life,
while remaining the same
blame the universe
it's spun out of control
roles shifted
he's changed his goals
traded his wooden cross for gold
all about the bling
all about this ting dat ting
still
no wedding ring
but you stay committed
no needs met
but you stay well kept
with things
attention to everything but you
never asks how you really feel boo
but you stick with him
stuck like glue
gum at the bottom of his shoe
the further he walks
the farther he is away from you

But you stay in the grass waiting
thinking
he'll return
he's not the man you met
but he's a lesson you learned

Change isn't always for the better

Tell me people, what do you do if your significant other is not the man you met?

It's 2/5 or maybe 10 years after you've met who you believed to be the love of your life and you realize, this is not the man(or woman) I met.  How do you rebuild, continue, or discontinue.  What exactly becomes the course of action.

Personally, if I get married I pray I it doesn't end in divorce.  But this is such a valid question, at stages in your life you want certain things, you have specific aspirations.  You can't swear for yourself that 5 years from now you won't do a complete 180 and say hey, I've changed my mind - I don't want children anymore or I don't want blah blah....you know what I'm saying.  Same goes for your spouse. Maybe it isn't even goals, maybe it's upkeep - we all know life shifts, maybe your guy was a fitness buff, 3 years down the line he's like eff it "baby pass me that beer while I lay down with chips on my belly scratching my nuts".  Men normally say women let themselves go but I think it's safe to say we both can be guilty.  Another scenario - basic how's your day going random text.  Granted if you live with the guy you don't need a play by play of his day - but we sometimes start taking our loves for granted, a random whatsapp can really delay that cussing your woman had for her co worker - just saying.  But no, you've gone from play by play, to random, to mudda sick what my wife number is again.

So what then?

This is one topic I'd like to hear people views on.

Meanwhile, here's my take.  If you're committed and your friendship with that person is solid - you communicate how you feel and work towards making it better.
OR you may just have to move on
I can't think of anything else.

Lost You

they want me to believe that the emptiness will go away

that it will get better, it will be easier in time

but this pain

the pain that stretches from the back of my neck
to the tip of my tailbone, tells a different story

this pain has me paralyzed

I am numb but my heart feels so much
pain, disdain for myself

how can I believe this will get better

even the weather says differently

this love fickle as a thunderstorm during a summer  day

ended by a bright sun ray

rain like tears of an angel

did they lose him too

tapping on my window sill

silly me because I wish it were him

I suffer from anxiety, separation 

apart a part of me gone, and Lord knows I long for it

they all know I long for him

they say deny myself

hard to do when it was just you two

but easy for them to say while I lay

tear stained face, face it
its only been days but I miss him

it is evident, evidence everyone can see

that without him, I am not me

©Tia L. Clarke 2015 (revised)

Relationship Goals

                                 

Since when did Kim and Kanye, Mariah and Nick or the rest become the standard by which we hold our relationships to?  2/4 pictured above have already parted ways.  And like any couple, we all have our issues.
Ok enough of them.  They aren't the issue I have because there are so many "famous" couples in which people tend to hold as the apex of great love.   And I'm not "hating" as the trite term goes nowadays but I am confused. This generation is so concerned with the relationships of perfect strangers that they fail to build successful relationship themselves, or even be able to identify one.  How can you build a relationship off of pictures and "realty T.V"?

You Can Not!

Some of these couples have solid relationships, some are actually in for the long haul but since you don't know their plans, don't try building on their foundation.

 You see the pics to the left...yea, you do.
Now they appear to be up in years. They look happy and in love.  But guess what, it is still just a picture.  For all we know they have just met.

If you have the gift of being able to flip through wedding photos of your grand parents you'll probably see happy loving faces as well.  And if they lasted, awesome.  They are actually the best bench markers for your relationship goals.
But in addition to watching real people in your life and their prosperous relationships: Focus on
1. who you are
2. what you're prepared to deal with or not deal with and
3. understand that love and making a long lasting relationship depends on several crucial things such as communication and compromise.
If you do love the person you can not be ready to bow out the minute the roads get rough.  You have to hold on for dear life.  When your partner's back is broken, be the brace that will support them long enough for them to walk again.  Love would not leave someone with a severed spine.  And if they never walk again love would be willing and able to push the hell out of that wheel chair.

Realistically this is what I, ME, TIA - need/wants:
I need a man that loves God.
I need a man that respects me.
I need a man that loves family and realizes once he becomes a part of me, I am his family.
I need a man that will be honest with me even when it's hard and I'm whining about it.
I want a man that holds my hand in public, not grabs my ass. (need)
I want a man that kisses my forehead.
I need a man that is a provider.
I need a man that uplifts me and understands that though imperfect, I'm his perfect match.
I want a man that is willing to skip hanging with the boys because I am sad. (need)
To name a few.

The list is never long when you know what your worth

#idontdodisclaimers

State Of Mind

lay awake
consciously

unconscious
in the shirt I wore
yesterday
rich in the aroma of you
cocooned in your arms
although your miles away
a day
an hour
a minute
all too long to see you again
lover, best friend
eyes piercing through
the images in my day dreams
best day dream
scenes
remains
with me even when
I finally drift
to sleep
unconscious
conscious only
of my love
for you

*dedicated to PD aka BUDDDDD

Partner...Let Me Upgrade You

Beyonce said it best with this jam (jam, I'm so old).  Baby let me upgrade you.  With that, I decided to take apart the term "Let me upgrade you" to assess they way some people in society use it.

Firstly, here's some facts: Beyonce married Jay-Z. Jay-Z, 45, is not only a rapper and songwriter, he is an entrepreneur owning several businesses as well as being a certified sports agent.  Jay-Z's current net worth is approximately $510 million.

I think with those facts given it's fair to say Beyonce didn't mean to choose a man/woman that's going to treat you like Jodi - drive around in your car while your at work and sex other females in the back seat.  That ish sounding like unevenly yoked there.

Don't misunderstand me. I do believe that in a relationship you should support and uplift your partner in anyway you can.  Ultimately, everyone wants to know that when you're waist deep in the trials of life you can depend on your partner to be able to hold you up without letting you drown.  That stability and assurance are some of the things long lasting relationships are built on.

But BayBay, I ain about to put a you on my free throw line if you're shooting like Shaq.  Think about it, if you're Jordan, do you really want Dickey Simpkins to be the only one on the court with you in the playoffs?  Go ahead, google him, ..............................I'll wait..................................
Yup, you wanna boast about upgrading Dickey but what do you have to show for it?  You left the game dehydrated with a twisted ankle and he never broke a sweat.

Many of us are guilty of it, dating someone who "seems" to have potential but they never show it.  They can't hold down and a job and they don't look like they want to.  Eventually you will become annoyed with them and leave no better off than you were before you got with them, or they'll leave you taking the two championship rings they got with you to share with the next in line.

So my advice, focus on being the best you that you can be, be strong, be kind and be confident and your special someone will COME upgraded.
Also, quite simply put, don't invite someone to your table who has nothing to put on it.

(Repost - missing some parts but the general idea is here, angry with myself)

Gail Tamaz and Tia

I found this picture of Gail, Tamaz and I at St. Anne's after we graduated.  Always smiling. I'm so happy to have known her.  I pray for all of us who knew her, we have a chance to make ourselves better.  I joked and told Gail this was when I was smaller...only them came into 2015 with that same size in the pic smh :D xoxo to Gail...Love you to the moon and your strength has always been an inspiration to me.  Thanks for going to watch over us Tamaz. #lovemazzyforever

The Passing of an Angel

Monday, March 30th 2015 my classmate died.  I cringe as I type the words because I was hopeful for her, for faith in God  and his teachings made me hopeful.  The word says if you believe and call on his name, he will hear your call.  I believe he did.  However, though faith never wavered and as if Monday mornings aren't hard enough, Tamaz Thompson passed away.  I refuse to say she lost her battle with cancer.  Because I wholeheartedly believe that cancer lost.  It no longer has the power to make her suffer, it's ugliness can no longer wake up beside her trying to mock all she has done. Cancer has no power.  CANCER LOST...cancer lost to this beautiful woman.

I started to write a status on Facebook only to be halted.  I just couldn't find words to say to capture the disbelief I had.  There is no status long enough, no words, no phrases to encompass the level of hurt people feel who knew and loved Tamaz.

On the ride from Tamaz's fundraiser, Kia said "why her..." and I said I believe there is a lesson in this because someone with such exemplary character had to fight this battle for us to see that pettiness and anger are not worth it.  We should be like Tamaz, happy, sweet, loving, brave....our smiles should infect people so that it has more power than cancer ever could.  That is the legacy Tamaz leaves.  If no one remembers anything else, they remember how sweet she was, that genuine smile. Knowing Tamaz makes me want to be a better more positive person not only for myself but for others.

In an effort to help her family Tamaz put pen to paper.  Below Tamaz documented her journey, she was still smiling.  She showed superb strength! What amazing person...to help when everyone just wanted to support her.

Please continue to show your support with funding.  Her family is extremely grateful to all who have given anything they could.  RIP Tamaz #lovemazzy

Ciara - I Bet (Better Off)

So last week I stumbled across this beaut.  My news feed seemed to enjoy it and so as I often do, I listened, on repeat.  I'll assume most of us know that Ciara thought she found her match in Future but things didn't work out how she hoped.  I can totally relate to this song.  Back when I was a chick a dee I was guilty of writing that love story in my mind only to be bamboozled by someone who wasn't ready to accept all I was willing to give.

Future left with Ciara (courtesy of www.nydailynews.com)
Future wasn't readdddyyyy.  And of course people can change but I think what we all need to realize is, if that change isn't internal, baybay even if there's a shift for a while, that person will go back into their old ways.  They aren't gonna change for babies, you or your cooking so don't fool yourself.  Good luck to them both tho!!

Anywhos, this is what Miss Cee Cee inspired:

you call her friend
I was a friend too
and I know you have some spite
deep inside of you

but I loved you anyway
white out all your mistakes
and came back every time
you went and took a break

but you took advantage
you took me granted
yea yea

but you took advantage
uproot what we planted
yea yea

loved you
until the well ran dry
no wonder why
you thought the grass was greener
on the other side

but I bet you'll want back
when she gets a little fat
and you think I'm looking really cute
with my sexy new dude

but keep yourself over there
don't even try to stare
I'm better off over here
yea yea

I Want a Man

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Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud [Official Video]

Listening to him on repeat because I'm so happy my bestest BUD came back home safely. Ohhhh that feeling, to wanna love someone until your 70.
And anyone as youthful as myself knows that is ions away.
I'll soon be celebrating my 21st birthday

It's amazing how we hop on planes, ride trains, jump in cars..and however it is we get where we're going not realizing what a blessing is was to arrive safely.

Even if when you reach work you doze off for a minute (thanks time change)
GIVE THANKS!  You have been given the opportunity to love those nearest to your heart for at least one more moment.

Now try get on the insurance 

"darling I will be loving you 'til we're seventy..."

Unreal Love

love is like leprosy
infecting me
tearing at my limbs

because of him
bacteria
feeling inferior

ousted by the plague

love

or none at all
appalled
by your voice

damned by my choice
choosing you
to my love you couldn't be true

still loved you

now crippled

by fear, the doubt
of never being healed

cast aside, no more pride
like gravel beneath his feet
pinned down, beat

this disease maims me
body stained
even after he’s gone

the scars
remained 

©Tia L. Clarke 2015
(amended from 2012)