Be Alone...Without Being Lonely

Some of us find it a herculean task to be in the company of ourselves.  Yes! If you fall into any of these categories I mean you:
1. Must have company and gets sad without people around.
2. Always looking for group activities and can't remember the last time you did something solo.
3. You annoy you
4. 28yrs old, 7 partners - hasn't been single from 1990. (if you do the math you'll see how crazy this is)

Mind you the list can go on - I just can't, I gotta make my point before I lose ya.

So here it is, we find it hard to embrace being without a partner or friend or some other body because we become sad and lonely maybe even depressed. The yearning for companionship every minute of everyday can prove to be more detrimental than you think because once the person or people are gone, you feel empty. And "empty" is the operative word here because I'm not saying being in the company of others is bad or wrong, I'm saying without them, you are a shell of a person not even you can recognize.  So taking care of them, doing what they like and melting into them all became the centre of your world without you ever developing yourself.  It essential that we are able to be whole without having someone else there to complete us.  When you think about it, if you are a person that feels you need the company of others you'll realize that they are mere distractions for what's really going on with you. Sometimes we haven't dealt with a loss of some kind or some other trauma and being alone forces us to relive and ponder about those sometimes painful realizations. I want to reassure you though, being able to be alone without the feeling of loneliness is a gift that we can give ourselves that will never become stale, played out or boring.  You have the opportunity to develop skills and talents you never realized you had.  You may read a book that changes your life.  There's so much of you to discover.

And yea yea I know it's romantic and Hallmarkesque to tell your loved one, "you complete me" or "you're my better half" trust me I get it.  You want that person to know the depth of your love for them.  However, we must be reminded that if you are not our best selves, we can potentially be toxic to others. We should not lose ourselves in a person.  If you are a whole, you don't need them to complete you and that way, that person is a BONUS. Everyone likes bonuses!!

So embrace the gift of being happy with you. Learn your strengths, improve your weaknesses - find your passion and ignite your own fire.  When you have time to yourself, don't feel lonely - This is YOUR time.  Once you learn how to do this you'll fight for that alone time, and being alone CAN NEVER BE LONELY.

Untitled (for the moment)

I carry. Upon my back, in my gut, and in my head, a hatred so deep
Into every inch of my existence it seeps

No common sense, perhaps no strength, to relieve myself of this disdain
Instead I choose to remember the pain

No gain of course, in remembering all that I have lost
For carrying this hatred is the biggest cost

I pay everyday, in some sort of way
Losing my grip 'cause of failure to pray

Yearning to lift myself above this seething, soon I won't be able to hear my heart beating
hatred hardens me, what a wonder I'm breathing

This can very well cost my death
holding on to something, that has already left

How does one break free? From chains of lessons learned
moving on from bridges burned

There is nothing more, nothing more but an ash of hate
I have heaped it on my plate,

"Move forward", they say, "it's never too late
That remains the great debate.

©Tia Clarke 2015

eFF Your Romance

Have you ever had that moment where the world says you should be wishing your ex and their new boo well, saying "hey congratulations, you two look so cute together" but honestly, you just want to tell them & their "newly knit family" and "best friend" go to hell.

Thanks social media - click - unfollow.
Click - follow.
I want to know just when this shi....p collapses so I can be there to sweep it in his face/her face, who's ever face.

How dare they replace you right? Wasn't even good enough to date you right?
Should have never let your guard down.  For that damn clown.
Played.
Just enough smiles and sweet talks to get the P.
And you use a capital letter because it IS that good

That's not nice...
Click - unfollow
Click - follow

No!
You're not jealous.

You're actually in love with your best friend who's given you a fairy tale you didn't even know was possible and you even tend to question it every now and then - that's how amazing your love is!
However, the last thing you want to be dumped on your desk on a Monday morning or ANY MORNING is an exes triumphant relationship.  Especially after what happened between you two, or didn't happen - or almost happened.

I mean it doesn't hurt to know little things, right. Out to dinner with Bae. Bae fell asleep on the couch. Bae got me ice cream. Bae on fleek.  MCM Bae. WCW Bae. Love you to the moon and back bae. oHHHHHHHHH for the love of Moses, shut up already.

eFF YOUR ROMANCE!!

I completely understand this process.  This is what I'll call the post traumatic break up break down. It's not surprising that most women and some men experience those same cyclone emotions.  You're happy but you almost find your ex's happiness disgusting and downright disrespectful.  It's okay to mourn the loss of what you thought was good.  Because at the time, it felt good. Now stop it!
You are driving yourself crazy.  Just as you have the right to be happy, your ex has that right.  And as much as you want to say eFF their romance, you'll be effing yours too if you decide to dwell on their love.  Don't stalk what they do.  STOP caring about their movements, accomplishments and the like. Focus on your lover.  Concentrate on your movements, your goals - and you'll find yourself basking in a beautiful light.  YOU ARE where you're supposed to be.  Be happy!

Click - unfollow
You've regained your sanity.

No you can say eff Your Romance to any ex without malice, while enjoying yours.
~xoxo~

He's Not the Man I Met

People change
People will sometimes rearrange
your life,
while remaining the same
blame the universe
it's spun out of control
roles shifted
he's changed his goals
traded his wooden cross for gold
all about the bling
all about this ting dat ting
still
no wedding ring
but you stay committed
no needs met
but you stay well kept
with things
attention to everything but you
never asks how you really feel boo
but you stick with him
stuck like glue
gum at the bottom of his shoe
the further he walks
the farther he is away from you

But you stay in the grass waiting
thinking
he'll return
he's not the man you met
but he's a lesson you learned

Change isn't always for the better

Tell me people, what do you do if your significant other is not the man you met?

It's 2/5 or maybe 10 years after you've met who you believed to be the love of your life and you realize, this is not the man(or woman) I met.  How do you rebuild, continue, or discontinue.  What exactly becomes the course of action.

Personally, if I get married I pray I it doesn't end in divorce.  But this is such a valid question, at stages in your life you want certain things, you have specific aspirations.  You can't swear for yourself that 5 years from now you won't do a complete 180 and say hey, I've changed my mind - I don't want children anymore or I don't want blah blah....you know what I'm saying.  Same goes for your spouse. Maybe it isn't even goals, maybe it's upkeep - we all know life shifts, maybe your guy was a fitness buff, 3 years down the line he's like eff it "baby pass me that beer while I lay down with chips on my belly scratching my nuts".  Men normally say women let themselves go but I think it's safe to say we both can be guilty.  Another scenario - basic how's your day going random text.  Granted if you live with the guy you don't need a play by play of his day - but we sometimes start taking our loves for granted, a random whatsapp can really delay that cussing your woman had for her co worker - just saying.  But no, you've gone from play by play, to random, to mudda sick what my wife number is again.

So what then?

This is one topic I'd like to hear people views on.

Meanwhile, here's my take.  If you're committed and your friendship with that person is solid - you communicate how you feel and work towards making it better.
OR you may just have to move on
I can't think of anything else.

Relationship Goals

                                 

Since when did Kim and Kanye, Mariah and Nick or the rest become the standard by which we hold our relationships to?  2/4 pictured above have already parted ways.  And like any couple, we all have our issues.
Ok enough of them.  They aren't the issue I have because there are so many "famous" couples in which people tend to hold as the apex of great love.   And I'm not "hating" as the trite term goes nowadays but I am confused. This generation is so concerned with the relationships of perfect strangers that they fail to build successful relationship themselves, or even be able to identify one.  How can you build a relationship off of pictures and "realty T.V"?

You Can Not!

Some of these couples have solid relationships, some are actually in for the long haul but since you don't know their plans, don't try building on their foundation.

 You see the pics to the left...yea, you do.
Now they appear to be up in years. They look happy and in love.  But guess what, it is still just a picture.  For all we know they have just met.

If you have the gift of being able to flip through wedding photos of your grand parents you'll probably see happy loving faces as well.  And if they lasted, awesome.  They are actually the best bench markers for your relationship goals.
But in addition to watching real people in your life and their prosperous relationships: Focus on
1. who you are
2. what you're prepared to deal with or not deal with and
3. understand that love and making a long lasting relationship depends on several crucial things such as communication and compromise.
If you do love the person you can not be ready to bow out the minute the roads get rough.  You have to hold on for dear life.  When your partner's back is broken, be the brace that will support them long enough for them to walk again.  Love would not leave someone with a severed spine.  And if they never walk again love would be willing and able to push the hell out of that wheel chair.

Realistically this is what I, ME, TIA - need/wants:
I need a man that loves God.
I need a man that respects me.
I need a man that loves family and realizes once he becomes a part of me, I am his family.
I need a man that will be honest with me even when it's hard and I'm whining about it.
I want a man that holds my hand in public, not grabs my ass. (need)
I want a man that kisses my forehead.
I need a man that is a provider.
I need a man that uplifts me and understands that though imperfect, I'm his perfect match.
I want a man that is willing to skip hanging with the boys because I am sad. (need)
To name a few.

The list is never long when you know what your worth

#idontdodisclaimers

I Want a Man

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