I Think I Love My Life

I was minding my own beeswax when a lady mouths to me, "OMG is that..? OMG! OMG!"






I wasn't too sure when the person passed me. I saw two beautiful girls. No security. So I'm like wait a minute, YES, YES it is. I completely forgot about all the nervous energy I was having.








I'm totally not groupie (as my babe joked and called me) but as he stood in front of me I was like, well this makes for a pretty interesting story. Of course I'm sure he didn't want to be bothered but I thought, how could I deprive my few readers of sharing this moment with me.






Soooooooooooooooooooooooo Happy Holidays from me and Chris freakin' Rock!


Everybody Hates Loves Chris (Kind enough to take a selfie with me and my festive antlers)

Poor Workmanship or DIY: Water & Sewerage

After a long day of waiting, anticipating the ever elusive end of work day, most people can not wait to take solace in their home. I assure you, I am no different. The stormy Monday, literally and figuratively made home even more inviting.  All the showers aside thank God we survived. 

But imagine my family's surprise however when we came home to a partially opening gate with dirt heaped in front of it.  Yes! We left an operational gate and came back to find mounds of dirt & mud piled to our front gate courtesy of Water & Sewerage.  They have left us in awe. We know they are conducting work to "better"the quality of water, so they say - but MY FATHER, how can they explain leaving the dirt to the gate. I had to squeeze my way into the gate, 2 more pounds and I would have had to sleep some where else cause I surely wasn't getting in there. I mean the dudes even left behind their shovels, must be to tell us handle that ourselves aye??  I was soooooooo upset, I started doing what I do best.  Please find below my letters to those "in charge":

Dear Hon. Jerome Fitzgerald I trust all is well with you however I am unable to share such a feeling. Water and sewerage has been working in our area since last week Friday and they have left our area and specifically in the front of our house a mess. I'm upset that after my mom was in the hospital for half the day and my father and I have been to work all day we have to squeeze through our gates. We are upset. We are disappointed. We are outraged. The fact that they feel it is okay to conduct such shoddy work astonishes me. I understand the work must be done but they could at least not pile the dirt right in front of our gates. I ask that you please assist in the matter. Attached please find pictures. Regards,

(Sent via Facebook NO RESPONSE)

A virtually identical letter was sent to the email address left by Water and Sewerage. 

To Whom it may concern:

Water and sewerage has been working in our area (Marathon) since last week Friday and Friday as well as today they left our area and specifically in the front of our house a mess. I'm upset that after my mom was in the hospital for half the day and  my father and I have been to work all day we have to squeeze through our gates. We are upset. We are disappointed. We are outraged. The fact that they feel it is okay to conduct such shoddy work astonishes me. I understand the work must be done but they could at least not pile the dirt right in front of our gates. I ask that you please assist in the matter.

Attached please find pictures. In the pictures you will see our gate is only able to open about a quarter. This shows lack of consideration for customers and people in general. I trust this will be resolved as it is a complete inconvenience.

Regards,

(The response to this email was answered almost immediately. I was so surprised I thought it was automated. I am pleased at the response of the email but still highly disappointed that no one has come to resolve the issue.)

As of the time of this post, the situation was only resolved by my father shoveling the dirt away in rain. Upset is an understatement. 

See photo below

People will probably think, "well that's government agencies for you" - but when will we ever get passed settling for subpar performances when we pay for services?? Someone needs to be held accountable.

The Birds & Bee Stings

                                                  Let's dive right in

A few days ago Charlie Sheen announced his HIV status, the internet/social media were all ablaze with the headlines "Charlie Sheen reveals he's HIV positive in TODAY Show exclusive". I watched clips and read some of the stories and I have nothing but well wishes for the man, not that he knows me or cares but anyone experiencing hardships in their lives deserve well wishes to be sent their way. (Side note - Prayers for World, because the fact people can argue over who should be prayed for baffles me. Pray when you want, for whoever you choose, last I checked that was a personal conversation between you and God - but I digress.) So anyway, the whole Sheen announcement urged me to come back to this post that was drafted for couple months now but I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts together.  So here they are, as together as they can be at this point...

It's the metaphorical elephant that never leaves the room.  SEX.  What happens when you have sex? Who to have sex with? When to have sex? SEX! Even typing it looks foreign and wrong. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder to ensure no one's reading "that word".  But it exists - duh.
I'm sure parents know that, but they would lead you to believe that they dreamed of you and then God blessed them with the precious gift

But what about making sure you have some knowledge of the topic. I often heard American sitcoms reference "the birds and the bees" talk but in Caribbean vernacular the sex talk more often than not comes after the deed has been done and consists of only the warnings "You betta not get pragnant (Lord I hate that)" or "You better not get no girl pragnant". The rules to live by. Then of course there's biology class which might I add most teenagers giggled through when sex came up.

There's so much more though; there's emotion, there's the awkwardness, there's protection, there's being brave enough to say no even if you said yes the first time, there's responsibility, there's the after, there's possibility of disease...

Yes. Disease. I think it's a fair assessment to say, especially in a small country such as the Bahamas that
there is still a stigma against those who suffer from Sexually transmitted illnesses (herpes etc) HIV & AIDS. With HIV people stutter to say the seemingly innocent letters arranged in a death sentence.
YET, the conversation of sex with your children remains a taboo.  Babies are a welcomed surprise from teenagers you had "NO IDEA" was having sex with a baby shower to prove the excitement and support for the child

So which is it?  

Do we talk about sex and how to keep yourself properly protected or do we continue to ignore the elephant and bury our children and or their future. I believe any random 100 people in The Bahamas can be polled and I think it's safe to say that more than half of them will say their parents never had the "sex" talk with them.

What about you? Did your parents catch you getting familiar with your body and used it as a teachable moment?

It is the adults responsibility to share all we can with these children. We need to let them know the real about sex and encourage them to wait and IF they cannot wait to take every precaution out their to protect themselves. Ignorance is not bliss. Let them know they have the right to ask every question under the sun when it comes to protecting themselves and when any question becomes a problem to answer it is okay to walk away. Let them know monogamy is sometimes a one way street therefore wear condoms, girls - feel free to carry your own.

Let them know all you can about the birds, but never forget to tell them that the bee stings!

Who Cooks on a Thursday??

MEEeeeee

I Cooked...Tilapia Spinach Mushroom thingy

Ingredients 
4 Tilapia fillets
2 cups of mushrooms
2 cups of spinach
1/2 cup of chicken broth
pepper
salt
butter
olive oil

You can X the olive oil and butter and just spray your pan with non stick spray but I figure the olive oil and butter gives it flavour so a 1/2 teaspoon of butter with about a 1/2 teaspoon of olive oil should do the trick.

Salt and pepper your fish, you can choose any seasoning you want but I only used salt and pepper.

When the pan is hot - add your fish fillets

Brown on both sides - this takes no more than 4 mins per side if your pan is hot enough

Take them out the pan - put um in the microwave for safe keeping

Now - add mushrooms, stir a bit until softened

Then add your chicken broth and spinach

Let it simmer down, simmer down (a joke only my cousin would get)

Slam um all on the plate and you are ready to eat, quick, healthy and filling.

YAY...

signed

Semi-Domesticated 

Jessie J backing vocalist inspiration - Gotta Be True to Yourself

There's a pureness in their voices I can not put into words and from I first heard this - I was enamored and played it like 50 times - no breaks! And they inspired this....

Days seem a haze
lack luster
lost the glaze
dreams replaced
by issues faced
monetarily no gain
sense lapsed
loved a fool, fool left
the only thing that went right
hardened by love loss
lovers lied
could fill stadiums with tears cried
tried to change
built a wall...
       but I urge you
let it crumble
let it fall
you were meant to be
strong
not stone
don't let hardships in life
crush your soul
you were meant to be
the best version
       of who you are

I've heard this song before, and I loved it then but it's like the combination of their voices bestowed a gift of clarity right before me.  As most of us often do, in navigation of this crowded yet lonely world, we try to find our footing.

We dream.
We aspire.
We work.

Sometimes it feels like it's going no where. It feels like you're climbing an active volcano with bricks on your back. And just as you feel like those bricks can get no heavier - you are given another load. I understand. I get it. But in order for you to get where you are supposed to be you have to weather this journey. When I discuss my discontent with my best friend sometimes he seems so insensitive. He's like well you know what you want, you have to do it - put in the work. I wanna say shut up and tell me, "there there - you're right. it's okay." However, I understand that sometimes I need to hear those things so I can refocus and just be the best of myself. I can't allow people's actions to dictate who I am or who I become.

I am a work in progress, but I'm not hiring - God's got the job!

Places to Donate: Hurricane Joaquin, Assisting Family Islanders

There is no way we could have estimated that hurricane Joaquin would cause the devastation it did in the southern islands of the Bahamas. One of the hardest hit was Long Island, a place a recently visited - one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. I was unable to reach the friends my mother and I made after Friday.  Our prayers our with them.

As the pictures and videos of flooding and other damages continue to be shared on the internet.  It continues to tug at heart strings.  It horrible to see, and I'm sure even more horrible to live through.  A lady in one of the videos, quite visibly shaken, said something powerful: Don't just take pictures of us, we need help, send whatever you can think of. 

You won't find any pictures here, but I have compiled a list of places I found that are collecting donations.  Thanks in advance.

Below please find a list of organizations assisting with relief efforts:

Yodephy Dance & Modelling school is collecting donations until 2pm October 5th. 

Odyssey Aviation (702-0200)

Seahorse Institute, 85 North Soldier Rd (424-4425)

Kitchen Deli (422-4701)

www.bahamashistoricalsociety.com/joaquin.html has been created to accept funds to be used for aviation fuel, airport fees and other necessary supplies.

http://www.eleutheranews.com/permalink/4932.html 

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/rotary-hurricane-joaquin-bahamas-relief-fund#/ 

https://www.youcaring.com/bringing-relief-to-our-families-in-the-bahamas-443717 

Thursday evening at Bambu with all $20 admissions going to the hurricane relief cause. Information on the GREAT (Global Rotary East Action Today) Facebook page. Or visit https://d/projects/hurricane-joaquin-bahamas-relief-fund/#/

Deposits can also be made at a number of banks as follows:

#Scotiabank – account name: Hurricane Relief Long Island Bahamas. Account number: 170941. Branch Transit Number: 03465

#For more information, contact Dwight R. Burrows on 424-2746; Gina Coakley on 427-0591 or Brian Turnquest on 242-359-1010

Red Cross Monetary donations can be deposited at A/C #289-423-6 at the Royal Bank at John F Kennedy Drive. For more information, call 323-7370.

#

Ultimate Door & Window is located behind the Auto Mall on Shirley Street across from St. Matthew's Anglican Church. Contact numbers are 424-8602, 422-3926 & 457-3546

Mario's Bowling

#Mario's Bowling and Family Entertainment Palace is inviting people, organisations, charities and groups who wish to donate food, clothing or supplies of any kind, to bring them to Mario's at Summer Winds Plaza on Sunday from 3pm until 9pm and throughout the week from 9am to 10pm.

#Mario's will be a distribution point and an outlet. The facility and surrounding spaces are available for use.
SkyBahamas Global Airlines #7 Blake Road Center, Blake Rd. 242-327-6032

More places in this article in the Tribune

http://www.tribune242.com/news/2015/oct/04/how-help-guide-relief-efforts-following-joaquin/?news 

#

Lunar Eclipse

I wasn't as hype as everyone else - in fact I said, I totally not a moon girl. But then I was a bit intrigued. Look at what I captured.

And this one I believe God held my hand still for...because this one is the best.

Untitled (for the moment)

I carry. Upon my back, in my gut, and in my head, a hatred so deep
Into every inch of my existence it seeps

No common sense, perhaps no strength, to relieve myself of this disdain
Instead I choose to remember the pain

No gain of course, in remembering all that I have lost
For carrying this hatred is the biggest cost

I pay everyday, in some sort of way
Losing my grip 'cause of failure to pray

Yearning to lift myself above this seething, soon I won't be able to hear my heart beating
hatred hardens me, what a wonder I'm breathing

This can very well cost my death
holding on to something, that has already left

How does one break free? From chains of lessons learned
moving on from bridges burned

There is nothing more, nothing more but an ash of hate
I have heaped it on my plate,

"Move forward", they say, "it's never too late
That remains the great debate.

©Tia Clarke 2015

We Are Queens

Maya Angelou wrote, 

"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me..."

    and when I read those words I am so proud to be a beautiful woman I gush.  How then do we dismiss such a powerful description of ourselves and allow words/terms such as "bitch" or "thot" to seep into our language?  The term used so loosely.  I would hope decent women wouldn't want to call themselves derogatory names however it has been done.  Calling themselves these things like a proud badge of honour.   

Regardless of your race, your stature, your language, your work - whatever, be confident enough with yourself to own being a Queen.  If you don't claim it, who on earth would just hand it to you?  And by claiming it I mean you must respect yourself.  Earn your money.  Take care of yourself.  You must be independent
By calling each other derogatory names it opens the door for males to do the same.  I mean we constantly speak about society being harder on women than on men - well who do you created the socially inequality. Society.  Described by Merriam Webster as "people in general thought of as living together in organized communities with shared laws, traditions, and values

: the people of a particular country, area, time, etc., thought of especially as an organized community"  We are apart of that group of people.  Do not perpetuate a view of yourself and other women that is negative.  

Breathe positive vibes.  Move in a positive light. Speak positive words.

References

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/society

Picture of Poverty: Click like, comment, share.

A few years ago I created a piece of work that I held higher than most of my other poems.  It was a piece that even my on again off again "mentor" deemed a  piece of literature to rival the greats.  I received the praise with great alacrity and renewed vitality to my craft.  To add all I could to the meaning of "Forty Cents" I searched for a picture that would vividly capture the essence of my brain child.  It was a child standing with tattered garments barely draped over his tiny frame, stomach swollen with ribs protruding so clearly I would have no trouble counting them, one by one.  I felt saddened by the picture - and for those who did not grasp the sincerity and pain from which my words were birthed I needed them to see this photograph.

After I edited to add this poor soul, the young boy I had no idea was living or so near death and pain he'd welcome his last breath, I felt accomplished.  As if I had the right to feel accomplishment by underscoring his misfortune.  But I felt, at least everyone will know how genuine I was about the topic of poverty.  My mentor returned to the comment section.  He was disgusted.  He was disappointed.  He ranted, as he normally does out of passion, that I have defaced my work with adding such an image.  My words held more weight than the picture and I am actually perpetuating the exact things I frown upon in my piece.

He was right.

"Forty Cents" was my spear into the heart of our elitism nature that makes us believe we can save these children's lives by loose change we spend on coffee daily.  We want to pat ourselves on the back for donating to these children when the bigger issues remain.  Indeed, all help we can give would be welcomed and if used correctly eventually chisel away at effects of poverty but as my mentor highlighted for me, what is the gain in parading a child covered in soot and mud?  Is it shock value?  Is it to tug so powerfully on the heart of all watching 'til cold tears dribbles down a flush face?

Perhaps.

But what next?  What next when we share these images on social media?  What next once we've commented "Amen" under a post whether because of wholehearted concern or fear of reproof ? What next?

For me, images are not needed, the stories scream loudly enough. I will pray for them, I will pray for us. Pray that the unkindness of this world does not harden our hearts, that we refuse to perpetuate stereotypes which breed hatred and untruths. I will pray that our love for one another moves us to help more than a picture ever could.

©Tia Clarke 2015

When Someone Dies But You Refuse To Cry

When I was asked for help in penning something in memory of another fallen classmate, I hesitated.  Not because I didn't care or because I was too busy...no.  I hesitated because I always feel sharing when one has passed should be only afforded to those closest the lost soul.  I felt guilt.  Even though the news of my friend Alan shook me to the core - I felt guilty, for a magnitude of reasons.  But I put those feelings aside because I wanted to be agreeable, and I believe Paige tried to show the family that we the class of SAS 2005 truly did care.  So my guilt of not being there when he suffered or of sharing 10 years old memories, of when I knew him best subsided.  I worked to capture the essence of Alan and what I felt the whole class could co sign.  

Below is what I shared with Paige:

A picture, a poem – a prose piece pulled from deep within our stomachs, from deep within our hearts – none can truly capture how greatly Alan will be missed.  We will miss “Erm” – to which only him truly knew the meaning. We will miss the cupcakes – which aided in our great cupcake battle post our graduation in 2005. We will miss our dear friend Alan.  So it is with surreal sorrow and heavy hearts we the class of 2005 come to celebrate the life of Alan and say farewell to our friend and brother. 

He was a friendly, kind, sweet, loving, respectful and respectable young man whose life we’ve come to celebrate today.  There is a saying, a friend to all, is a friend to none; however, we beg to differ.  There are people like Alan who are rare breeds that can garner title, “Friend to all”. Because Alan, absent of ill will or dissection, but maybe some smart remarks, was never angry long enough to be mean to others.

Many of us did not know the suffering Alan experienced and if we did, it is certain that we would have tried anyway possible to lighten his load.  But he was not alone by any means.  His family, to which we extend deepest condolences, of course battled through with him. We pray that they continue to have strength.  We pray that we can all remember him happy and healthy. 

It is also our prayer that losing Alan shows us how to put aside any quarrels and only share love and laughter between us.  His passing is a testament to how short our time is on earth and how we must make the most of it.

So when glassy eyes have cleared and residues of tears upon our cheeks are washed away we will have memories of him etched in our minds.  Although this loss continues to scar us, we are not defeated. And we gained another guardian angel. - The End


This was my original thoughts but we had to rework things and Paige and I collaborated on the final piece, both of us pleased with the outcome.  Paige's heart & mine tumbled together to create a melodious farewell.  
Still feeling guilt - from thoughts only brewed up by the inner workings of my complex emotions and thoughts - I walked in the church alone. Stoic almost.  Ironic enough the first person I saw from our class was Paige - We walked to the front together, I try never to view bodies but I did, a decision I'm haunted by today. 
Eyes remained without tears.  I refused to cry.  But my heart was so heavy.  But I had to be strong for everyone else, even if I wasn't leaned on. I refused to cry.  
But seriously, he was my age.  People tell me that my life has not even started yet, his has already ended - I was never good at Math but that equation is the most puzzling.  Another thing, we shared a birthday month, a sign - Taurus.  I don't even follow astrological signs, but I stumbled upon something interesting which makes me understand our bond even better.  
It reads:


"Taurus and Friendship:


A Taurus is an excellent friend. Taurus has few close friends as opposed to many acquaintances. The few people they hold dear to them are guarded and protected. Their friends are treated like family and they are fiercely loyal and dependable. Taurus loves to be the host or hostess. Although not a total social butterfly, they can be shy around strangers, the people who Taurus let into their lives are lavishly catered to when Taurus decides to throw a party, they decorate and present everything lavishly. Taurus will always pamper themselves and their close group of friends."

That sums it up - So eventually I broke down and quickly regained composure.  I won't share private conversations but I will say every time we spoke we expressed that we missed each other and loved each other. These ramblings of my heart are all over the place but here's my conclusion.

When someones dies but you refuse to cry, tears & pain will be manifested in other ways.  So despite whatever guilt you may feel or wanting to be strong it's okay to cry.  It is not weak, there is no shame, guilt has no reason for showing up, mourn your loved ones as only you can.


References

Zodiac Signs http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/taurus.htm

My Purpose

I may not know my purpose...but I have one and it will be revealed to me in time.

My road blocks and ditches may keep coming but I am transported by angels, I will get passed them.

I may get discouraged but Jehovah continues to find a way to tell me...you will get get pass this hurdle. Even when I am tired and feel fed up he a greater. And no, I may not be in the front pew of a church but because he continues to speak me and continue to hear I will push through.

My life is not my own: it belongs to God and my steps will lead me closer to him. Though I may waver he knows my heart he knows I'm imperfect  but he loves me anyway. 

I just needed to share that with anyone who wants to read it.

Enjoy your Saturday friends.

Lost Direction

We all have our paths, I don't pretend to know or understand the journey of others because sometimes mine is still to blurry to conceive.  I try to encourage others but then I wonder, has my road even been paved yet, has it even been cut out yet?  And do I have what it takes to keep myself encouraged cause these road blocks through the forest makes it NO clearer to me.

I think I've completely lost direction.

On this journey I've bumped into people along the way who've shared their stories and listened to mine but there's no right or wrong words, but when you're so disappointed it seems like everything people say ultimately shows how little they understand your plight summing up to ALL WRONG WORDS.  Maybe I'm a hard person to comfort!

But is that how I sound when I'm trying to encourage others??  I mean the superficial, it'll get better; that's how it is sometimes, you must push forward??  All may be true but in the moment when you're angry, tired, frustrated and see no clear path - none really help.  I mean what you may really want probably is the worst thing for you.

If you're anything like me you want that person to be angry with you, tell you to leave that mess alone - in my case COB.  sighs... I was in their corner until this debacle and I don't think they can EVER win me over.

But COB aside, I'm still wondering if this is the right direction for me - in general, in life.

(just venting)

And We Made Love

worst enemy

best friend

best poet

high expectations

trying all she can to make him climax

explode his ink

onto her paper

tied together by what tears them apart

a heart

a pen

a paper

crumpled together

between the thighs of an innocent girl

beautifully corrupted

by a poet

fiddler on the roof

proof

that she has learned something

however minute

the hours at Sine Qua Non

grew in two

years of

nurturing the writer

she is finding her voice

a strong whisper

between these sheets

of paper

©Tia Clarke 2012

Meghan Trainor - Like I'm Gonna Lose You ft. John Legend

Tomorrow is not promised
and I promise
to never compromise our love

This treasure, truly
a pleasure that is all ours
sweet chocolate bars

songs on acoustic guitars
played to hold beauty
I urge you, hold my hand

place a band
That'll bind us together
love without measure

unconditional, without pressure
forever never seems long
when we're together

so say "forever"
because I will love you, for better, forever
everyday, like I'm going to lose you

©Tia Clarke 2015

Day 4: Cape Santa Maria, Long Island

My last day to spend being a tourist. It was fun walking around in a swimsuit for most of the day being sun kissed.

It started out rainy but the sun was ready for some fun!

And...I'mmmmm READYYYYYY!

This picture with my bird is my FAVOURITEEEEEEEEE. The perfect timing to kick back that leg!

Striking a pose with my bird

My BackSide :D

Forever Ready for his close up

That water!

After we splashed around at Cape Santa Maria we headed back to Stella Maris.

Joke of that day: The man drove us to this deserted area and gave us a cooler of water. We both got out the van, in shock I was like - ummmm this is where we're supposed to go?  He gave us this lame story about not being able to go on the other side, hotel, blah blah, agreement, blah blah trouble.  Nevermind he was dropping 2 other guests exactly where we THOUGHT we were supposed to go.  Anyway, my mother was like oh no, oh no - carry us to the next end. I can't stay here.  

I was so scared cause my mother is a save "masef" kinda woman.  Anyway - ya had to be there!

Anywho's back at Stella Maria

Left mum in the back - Headed to Moonshine

Salt water pool time!

 

                                                                    Breyers Raspberry cheesecake ice cream

Din Din

Protective Styles: Marley Braids/Twists

This has to be one of my favourite protective styles because it gave me absolutely no stress.  My marley braids were done by "DazzlingBraidsByNell" and she did a great job.  The very first shot is my hair the morning before.  

Preparing my hair:

1. washing - I gave Angie a good scrub 
2. conditioning - you can use a deep conditioner but I used my favourite which is also a leave in 
3. leave in - I rinsed most of the knot today out of my hair and hopped out the shower. While my hair was still wet I added more knot today as my leave in 
4. leave more in - because moisture is important and I was using the dreaded heat (which I don't dread at all) as I sectioned my hair I sprayed on 
5. stretching - because my hair has massive shrinking issues I decided to make it easy for the stylist and blow dried my hair with a regular Conair blow dryer. So I A)sectioned B)conditioned C)added an oil
6. Sealed - with this oil which has an anti breakage serum. & I used my Denman and pulled my hair out. 

Below is the result:

Marley style tiles

 

Bun & braid - this was cute, I hope you can see the braid at the back

The bee hive @ work

 Supporting the Thompson Family

Nico, Taureen Irvin & Me
SAS reunion tour

Headed to submerge these twists

Getting the marley hair wet - it wasn't as heavy as I thought 

The morning after the hair was drenched

Just showing you how much it's grown out

Then I took them all out - and got THIS: