Spread Eagle

Q.U.E.E.N

Put this on a key chain, stitch this on my clothes....

Q - Quality
U - Unique
E - Exquisite
E - Empowered
N - Nurturer

I want to teach my nephews, my little cousins, my sons - if a woman calls herself a derogatory name, you run for the hills, and if you EVER call a woman such a thing, you better run for cover.

Teach your children to uplift rather than tear down.

hmmmm when last have you called a friend a Queen?  Can't remember....#aintthatab$%*#

#wearequeens #imaqueen 

Tings Change

As a child
I older dan you, so you have to listen to me or I ga tell
Ya big head sef
mmmmmmmm he nanny up he sef
I don't want a bed time, why he could stay up until 10?
I ready to leave home, I can't wait until I'm 18
I want a dog, a cat, a hamster, a gerbil, a fish
She only skin and bones
You better not dream about having no baby up in nah
I sick of colouring, so I ga scratch up this paper and get away with it
I think I'll run outside in the rain today and splash in puddles - to school fine the next day


As an adult
I'm younger than you, no no no remember ya bertday always was first
God is good hey, he finally grow into dat head
I tink I constipated
I can't keep my eyes open, lemme just catch the news
I wonder if mummy could clear up that extra room for me - tings tough out here
I barely could feed myself you think I getting any pet
My Lord she blow right up
Gal when you ga go have one baby, what you waiting on
OMG I forgot the full stop on that last sentence, my boss ga fire me
*coughs" a lil spry catch ma when I was walking in the house - can't make it to work the next day


#life

No Longer Black-Out

As all my devices turned dim with batteries flickering in the darkness and pangs of hunger were the only thing that lined my stomach I said, "Daddy come let's go. I can't take it, I'm hungry and these mosquitoes making me sick".

You see, from I walked in the house I looked at the clock that stared back...blankly. Load shedding!?!  I didn't freak out though I walked in the bathroom, clicked on the light like so many of us do out of habit and hissed my teeth.  Click the switch back down and cracked the door.  It's cool, only #1.  Since my plans had been foiled by those meddling BEC ppl I rolled with the punches, changed into my hip fanner as my father calls it and curled up with my kindle.  As daylight slowly slipped away, I was urged to go light some candles.  (then the aforementioned paragraph ensued)

"More friggin heat".  By this time, if I were a cussing girl, I'd probably used all the cusses in my arsenal as the mosquitoes made my body a puzzle yet again.
HOWEVER, I used cuss fillers. 

You see, maybe I'm a little slow, but I don't know how shedding works if the same areas are in pure darkness 90% of the time.  Who we shedding with?  Roughly from 11 am to 10 pm my corner was in darkness and nothing is more irritating than when you drive out to the corner and it looks like friggin Christmas, but I digress.

So, sitting in Wendy's on Village Road because electricity has been off now for about 9 hrs (Thanks again BEC, big shout outs again)....and every Sheila that walks in the joint is pale yella.
Now I didn't say yellow because what you will understand from this piece is once you have bleached ...ok the coast is clear for me to continue.  Once you've bleached your in a colour that only jaundice and muppets can understand.  It's fake.  Sadly, I noticed the masses have bleached their skin.  There is an epidemic and I am afraid for my delectable brownness.  The most disturbin' ting is - vat is obviously not charged on these creams, or perhaps it IS...because some ladies have missed their arms, legs and necks completely.  Yea that's it, vat on creams!

Oh Lord, please don't let them hold me down and cream me up
You see
I'm what they call dark skinned on this here earth
and though no matter our complexion
we're still made of dirt
we've been brainwashed
From birth

US dark skinned girls were coaxed to believe
we were less than beautiful
less than Queens
but it was all a hoax
a pitiful scheme, a joke
to rob us of our self worth
but we all are mere dirt

Pro- bleaching arguments will undoubtedly take the, I am enhancing my beauty route.  And I'm all for enhancing yourself but I must tell my sisters, and brothers - you were beautifully made and bleaching products actually do more harm than good.

All I could say is, they mussy bleaching cause Mr. Miller wouldn't stop these black outs.  It's surely no longer black out.

#idontdodisclaimers

Relationship Goals

                                 

Since when did Kim and Kanye, Mariah and Nick or the rest become the standard by which we hold our relationships to?  2/4 pictured above have already parted ways.  And like any couple, we all have our issues.
Ok enough of them.  They aren't the issue I have because there are so many "famous" couples in which people tend to hold as the apex of great love.   And I'm not "hating" as the trite term goes nowadays but I am confused. This generation is so concerned with the relationships of perfect strangers that they fail to build successful relationship themselves, or even be able to identify one.  How can you build a relationship off of pictures and "realty T.V"?

You Can Not!

Some of these couples have solid relationships, some are actually in for the long haul but since you don't know their plans, don't try building on their foundation.

 You see the pics to the left...yea, you do.
Now they appear to be up in years. They look happy and in love.  But guess what, it is still just a picture.  For all we know they have just met.

If you have the gift of being able to flip through wedding photos of your grand parents you'll probably see happy loving faces as well.  And if they lasted, awesome.  They are actually the best bench markers for your relationship goals.
But in addition to watching real people in your life and their prosperous relationships: Focus on
1. who you are
2. what you're prepared to deal with or not deal with and
3. understand that love and making a long lasting relationship depends on several crucial things such as communication and compromise.
If you do love the person you can not be ready to bow out the minute the roads get rough.  You have to hold on for dear life.  When your partner's back is broken, be the brace that will support them long enough for them to walk again.  Love would not leave someone with a severed spine.  And if they never walk again love would be willing and able to push the hell out of that wheel chair.

Realistically this is what I, ME, TIA - need/wants:
I need a man that loves God.
I need a man that respects me.
I need a man that loves family and realizes once he becomes a part of me, I am his family.
I need a man that will be honest with me even when it's hard and I'm whining about it.
I want a man that holds my hand in public, not grabs my ass. (need)
I want a man that kisses my forehead.
I need a man that is a provider.
I need a man that uplifts me and understands that though imperfect, I'm his perfect match.
I want a man that is willing to skip hanging with the boys because I am sad. (need)
To name a few.

The list is never long when you know what your worth

#idontdodisclaimers

Ain't That A B^$%#

As many things do throughout time, words and language have been morphed, tangled and in many ways redefined.  The word bad is now used as positive terminology.  And who ever thought, adversely, the word good could be synonymous with negativity.  For example, she's a “goody two shoes”.  To then break away from that label, “good girls” follow disturbing trends and tend to start calling themselves “bad bitch" perhaps after a few internet beefs degrading and calling other women out of their names. 

bitch noun | \’bich\ Definition of BITCH  1: the female of a dog or some other carnivorous mammals  2 a: a lewd or immoral woman    b: a malicious, spiteful, or overbearing woman — sometimes used as a generalized term of abuse

 

Does not denote anything good does it?  Why then has society capitalized the word Bitch as pro-Noun?  Why are young females proudly walking around dressed in clothing splattered with the profane word bitch across their chests and buttocks?   Why is the word bitch used as terms of endearment in relationships and friendships?  Why are women more proud to wear the title bitch than being called mam?  And someone please tell me who decided that women who identify more closely to female dogs than queens deserve to be put on pedestals?  When did it become an honour?

Thanks to VH1, MTV & Oxygen (just to name a few) networks who allowed women like Mona Scott exploit people hungry for fame with the phony "reality shows".  I bet Mona would never claim bitch as a title just to fit in.  

I also cast some blame on parents because some how they’ve bought into the decapitation of their children’s’ morals to be the cool parent.  Countless times I have scrolled through FB baffled that teenagers have posted profane language claiming girlfriends and friends their bitch.

The pro bitch argument goes “well we have taken a negative word and put a positive spin on it” with the advent of catchy slogans.  Being In Total Control of Herself is one of the acronyms coined for the word.  It has been placed on license plates and key chains worldwide.  However, for as many key chains as they put it on; I not now, nor will I ever be identified as a bitch, it’s still not cool to me.

  

You walk around calling yourself a bitch when you are merely empowering someone else to use the word against you.  When they use it, don't fool yourself in believing that there is any positive spin on it at all.  You are viewed as inferior to those with the intellectual capacity to remember that the negative connotation will never be dropped.

If you want to be respected, if you want to be considered a strong assertive power house - Stop calling yourself a bitch.  If you really want to end the argument: think about it, who are the figures you see calling themselves "bitch" and who are the ones calling themselves "queen".  What's their net worth...and I'm not talking about the money.

                             

#idontdodisclaimers 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bitch

Woolly Mammoth - Relating Science and a Sista

I took this Earth Day quiz from Google for a little fun.  And what should I get??  Woolly Mammoth! I’m a friggin woolly mammoth!
A woolly mammoth ----------> this guy                  

                                                                                                  Yup, woolly mammoth.

Initially I took that information and processed it into I am fat, hairy and virtually extinct.

Ok Ok...I wasn't seriously saddened or anything.  The accuracy of those internet test leave much to be desired, however I wanted flip that negative thinking.  So then as I digested it a little more I realized that being a Woolly Mammoth may not be such a bad deal.  Positive Vibes!!

For starters, I said hey, I'm most likely a Woolly Mammoth because my personality is larger than life.  I am a fun loving and when I walk into a room everyone definitely turns around lol. Captivating! There's no denying the main trait most people think of when they hear Woolly Mammoth is it's size.

Fact: They were about the same size their cousins the African Elephants. 

I am at one with nature, I respect that everything in nature has it's place, except mosquitoes.  I enjoy using my large nose to suck in delightful fragrances.  In fact I sometimes I call myself a conservationist.  And sidebar - I hate litterbugs.

Fact: Woolly Mammoths were herbivores, they ate mostly grass but also ate plants and flowers.  

I have been conditioned to take a lot but I know when to tap out. In addition, my realism is so much for people to handle, perhaps it is better at times that I am left alone to my own devices.  Uniquely made!

Fact: Mammoths are had tusks that were measured at 15 feet, used for fighting and digging up snow. They are extinct. 

Thanks National Geographic  http://www.nationalgeographic.com/search?proxystylesheet=site_search&site=site_search&q=woolly%20mammoth&client=site_search&output=xml_no_dtd&getfields=%2A&requiredfields=description&start=10&  

#funfacts #woollymammoths #earthday #natgeo

State Of Mind

lay awake
consciously

unconscious
in the shirt I wore
yesterday
rich in the aroma of you
cocooned in your arms
although your miles away
a day
an hour
a minute
all too long to see you again
lover, best friend
eyes piercing through
the images in my day dreams
best day dream
scenes
remains
with me even when
I finally drift
to sleep
unconscious
conscious only
of my love
for you

*dedicated to PD aka BUDDDDD

Nothing Like Admitting Your Mistakes...

Tired. 

Confused. 

Kissed too many frogs. 

Here's an open forum to admit your mistakes. 

Bad Exes Anonymous 

Here at B.E.A we use initials or first names only (hehehehehe)

We encourage and support you

Your prince/princess is on the way

But never be ashamed to admit your mistakes.

towel frog courtesy of Carnival Cruise Lines, Nur.

Partner...Let Me Upgrade You

Beyonce said it best with this jam (jam, I'm so old).  Baby let me upgrade you.  With that, I decided to take apart the term "Let me upgrade you" to assess they way some people in society use it.

Firstly, here's some facts: Beyonce married Jay-Z. Jay-Z, 45, is not only a rapper and songwriter, he is an entrepreneur owning several businesses as well as being a certified sports agent.  Jay-Z's current net worth is approximately $510 million.

I think with those facts given it's fair to say Beyonce didn't mean to choose a man/woman that's going to treat you like Jodi - drive around in your car while your at work and sex other females in the back seat.  That ish sounding like unevenly yoked there.

Don't misunderstand me. I do believe that in a relationship you should support and uplift your partner in anyway you can.  Ultimately, everyone wants to know that when you're waist deep in the trials of life you can depend on your partner to be able to hold you up without letting you drown.  That stability and assurance are some of the things long lasting relationships are built on.

But BayBay, I ain about to put a you on my free throw line if you're shooting like Shaq.  Think about it, if you're Jordan, do you really want Dickey Simpkins to be the only one on the court with you in the playoffs?  Go ahead, google him, ..............................I'll wait..................................
Yup, you wanna boast about upgrading Dickey but what do you have to show for it?  You left the game dehydrated with a twisted ankle and he never broke a sweat.

Many of us are guilty of it, dating someone who "seems" to have potential but they never show it.  They can't hold down and a job and they don't look like they want to.  Eventually you will become annoyed with them and leave no better off than you were before you got with them, or they'll leave you taking the two championship rings they got with you to share with the next in line.

So my advice, focus on being the best you that you can be, be strong, be kind and be confident and your special someone will COME upgraded.
Also, quite simply put, don't invite someone to your table who has nothing to put on it.

(Repost - missing some parts but the general idea is here, angry with myself)

Ecostyler Gel...GONE??

So Ecostyler has been the staple gel in the natural hair community for quite some time now.  I decided to give it a try a few years ago and as far as gel goes it really is pretty good.  To give a little bit of info about it I can tell you that they provide different holds, from 1 - 10 (the hardest) and different types such as argan oil and olive oil to name two of the most popular.  

The +s why natural cuties like it:

ALCOHOL FREE

NO FLAKES

PROVIDES SHINE

So imagine you're rushing, have an old twist out and want a sleek look. BUT you run out of Ecostyler - compare this to when Ampro was ya (beep) and you had that bun you wanted to slick down then put that head cloth on it to make sure it doesn't fag while you get ready for school mmmmmmmm hmmmm you remember.  Well that is what Ecostyler is to the natural girls.  

So the anguish on my face needs no explanation....

You joking right?

I won't lie I was utterly upset and I normally would swivel my finger at the bottom of my container to get the last scrapings Butttt do not fear...

I'm trying a new one.  And I actually had a container full.  But I since this post is dated after this, I can provide a little review and I prefer the gel in the pink container.  Both were 8 hold which is almost maximum.  No need to worry though because the gel doesn't make your hair rock solid.

NOTE: My hair is twisted in the pics using just my leave in conditioner and at present I can't remember which one.  I'll update later. Any questions please feel free to ask me.

Before                                                                               After

Monkey Business

In Belize...Just monkeying around.

I can't stand those blood sucking mosquitoes.  They are animals and boy did they attack. So that half smile half grimace on my face is because I was in the middle of getting attacked by donkey mosquitoes.  (Could someone tell me what's the purpose of mosquitoes besides testing my hearing when I'm trying to sleep or making me a connect the dot puzzle)

Sighsssssss....it was worth it though! I got to see Holler Monkeys, even got to see a baby one, only days old.  They were close enough to touch but we couldn't feed or touch them; it's not like I dared to with the daddy monkey cussing us out the whole time.

Seeing um that close was good enough for me.

Until next time. ...

The trail to see the Holler Monkeys
I had to cover up my loverly (not a typo) spaghetti strp Androsia print shirt (<--learn about it here Androsia Batik - Fresh Creek - Andros, Bahamas) so the mosquitoes had less surface area to terrorize. 

Up close and personal

Monkeying around

The lady wanted to take the baby home, I slowly backed on the side in the event of an "incident"

Only a few days old, the baby Holler Monkey is just as intrigued by us as we are by them

Bonus: On the ride back we saw a few monkeys just swinging, free and at peace!

Roatan Rummey

Having a blast. .. probably drunk
In Roatan I couldn't afford much more than drinks, so headed on the flying chairs to Mahogany Bay beach and became one with Fat Tuesdays.

Ignore the shirt, when you're having fun ya wear whatever. 

I dare you to try fill my boots!

I'm a cowgirl, well at least I thought a horse was attached to the saddle. 

We're much higher than we look....flying chairs

Fat Tuesdays...nothing to write home about, but I wrote home anyway!

Gail Tamaz and Tia

I found this picture of Gail, Tamaz and I at St. Anne's after we graduated.  Always smiling. I'm so happy to have known her.  I pray for all of us who knew her, we have a chance to make ourselves better.  I joked and told Gail this was when I was smaller...only them came into 2015 with that same size in the pic smh :D xoxo to Gail...Love you to the moon and your strength has always been an inspiration to me.  Thanks for going to watch over us Tamaz. #lovemazzyforever

The Passing of an Angel

Monday, March 30th 2015 my classmate died.  I cringe as I type the words because I was hopeful for her, for faith in God  and his teachings made me hopeful.  The word says if you believe and call on his name, he will hear your call.  I believe he did.  However, though faith never wavered and as if Monday mornings aren't hard enough, Tamaz Thompson passed away.  I refuse to say she lost her battle with cancer.  Because I wholeheartedly believe that cancer lost.  It no longer has the power to make her suffer, it's ugliness can no longer wake up beside her trying to mock all she has done. Cancer has no power.  CANCER LOST...cancer lost to this beautiful woman.

I started to write a status on Facebook only to be halted.  I just couldn't find words to say to capture the disbelief I had.  There is no status long enough, no words, no phrases to encompass the level of hurt people feel who knew and loved Tamaz.

On the ride from Tamaz's fundraiser, Kia said "why her..." and I said I believe there is a lesson in this because someone with such exemplary character had to fight this battle for us to see that pettiness and anger are not worth it.  We should be like Tamaz, happy, sweet, loving, brave....our smiles should infect people so that it has more power than cancer ever could.  That is the legacy Tamaz leaves.  If no one remembers anything else, they remember how sweet she was, that genuine smile. Knowing Tamaz makes me want to be a better more positive person not only for myself but for others.

In an effort to help her family Tamaz put pen to paper.  Below Tamaz documented her journey, she was still smiling.  She showed superb strength! What amazing person...to help when everyone just wanted to support her.

Please continue to show your support with funding.  Her family is extremely grateful to all who have given anything they could.  RIP Tamaz #lovemazzy

Yellow For Seth

There's often a question of the purpose of life...why are we here?  What is all of this for?
Well if for nothing else, I believe it's to be kind to each other & love one another.  We..and yes I am including myself, WE have this way of being so preoccupied with our own existence we're completely removed from what other's are going through.  No, that's not to discredit all you've been through however if we took our experiences and morphed them into a beacon to direct those who may be in a struggle, to guide them through the treacherous waters then this earth would be a better place.  Sometimes it's just a matter of supporting someone in their time of need.  Where their backs have weakened and caved under pressure, offer to carry their load.

People are reaching out for help, whether it be a hand to hold, or just a color to brighten a child's wall we should all want to reach back.

Below is Seth, 5, he is suffering from a rare immune system disorder.  His story is touching.  It wasn't much but today I decided to rep for seth and wear my loudest yellow pants.  I hope you can hear me Seth, I'm cheering in your favourite colour.

Give Thanks

This morning I sat down outlining my morning to one of the few people I know who asks the question, how was your morning? and actually cares about my answer.  So after I rambled on and on I said geesh what a morning.  Then I had to reflect: All these things that I felt were negatives and dampers on my GOOD THURSDAY could all be looked at in a positive light.  This is real, I really experienced these things but I have something to say to Satan who thought he was gonna make me walk into darkness and doubt how beautiful this day will be. GET THEE BEHIND ME satan.

God has shrunk you, you are minimized and my eyes have seen that I am truly blessed.  In all things, I am truly blessed.

Opened my eyes extra early this morning
really wanted the rest of that sleep
sat up anyway, couldn't sleep anymore
almost turned over that cup of water
on my bedroom floor

Hopped in the shower to get blasted with cold water
burned my lip on some hot tea
barely stomached the oatmeal, my mother made for me
saw the food from last night forgotten on the stove,
seemed still good to eat

Drove to work while my car sputtered
oh my gosh I had to pee
made it just in time, what a relief to me
sat to my desk only seconds, my nose began to drain
eyes weren't far behind
I was ready to complain
when this poem came to mind:

Thank God in all things
For he has blessed me where I did not see
And all the things I thought were wrong
Are his blessings he gifted to me

So I thank you dear Father
For a eyes to see,
and I could open up early this morning
Legs to run
when this bladder is full and pouring
Nose to sniff,
smelling spring
even though my allergies bring
I thank you Father
for this
And Everything

Friends

When people have the lame excuse like oh well I wasn't there cause I didn't know
but you called them a hundred times, but they didn't pick up the phone.
And every time they called, from their first call, you listened attentively.
That's a one way friendship, and that's not how it's meant to be.
My auntie once told me, people make time, for what's important to them
And if someone you hold dear to your heart never makes time, they are not your friend
So despite all the times you picked up pieces, or fought battles when they were to weak
But days pass into months, but they still don't think to speak
Wear them loosely as you can, some you'll have to let go
Because when you need someone, they claim they never know

Dutty Sucker...

My hair is dutty...well truth be told my hair isn't that dirty.  For two weeks I wore one pony, week 1 the puff, week 2 - one sorry dilapidated bun.  I didn't take a picture but I trust me, that bun was tired.  My Ecostyler gel had given up and bun was like ahem, no comb no cooperation - hash-tag that. 

AND I AIN'T COMB IT. #nocomb #nocooperation 

To the left is my untamed mane after I took off my rubber-band, lol you see the dent?<-----that's the culprit (only 1 strand in that, calm down newly naturals)

My hair is a sucker...you may not be able to tell but there is shampoo on my hair. YUP! There's shampoo all up in through there. Natural hair may confuse people but since it's pretty much all I know I can tell you how I manage the suckage.  I get to the scalp, really scrub that build up off.  Since the only product on my hair was really the gel (only on the edges) I only needed to focus on my scalp and the shampoo runs down the shaft (ya mind dutty) aka to the tip.

Below is the washing...oh how I wish my hair always looked this moisturized.

My hair is so fresh man...and oh so clean.  After I gave myself one long wash, yes one - how long I s'posed ta stay in that shower? I hope you can tell the difference, cause I sure can. My hair didn't feel stripped, it wasn't matted at all even though I didn't clear it out.  Yet!

Sadly though, that concludes my wash process on a Saturday morning. Next time, I'll bring to you the conditioning and de-tangling. Trust me...I don't promise at all.